Avoid Absolutes

Avoid Absolutes — Encourage Exploration    Jill Altshuler

Definition- Absolute: Certain and Undoubted.   For example, an “absolute truth” would be a truth that is unquestionable and beyond doubt.

Reflection:    A former English colleague of mine shared a story with me a while back. A presenter in her 11th grade classroom told the class to “not worry about letters of recommendation because no one reads them.”  In a matter of seconds, a whole classroom of students now believed that recommendations don’t matter.

Do recommendations matter? As most know, the answer is sometimes.

When we talk with students or our children about college and career exploration, our messages must avoid absolutes and encourage exploration and open mindedness.

Why?

• The job market has changed—and continues to change.

• College admissions has changed—and continues to change.

• Students change. They grow. They mature. 

• What we tell one child might not apply to the next.

So how do we help students make informed choices without resorting to absolutes?

Sometimes it’s tempting. For example, a student in front of you is failing Algebra 1 for the second time and shares that they want to study Engineering. It’s tempting to say, “You can’t do that.” After all, you know that Engineering requires an intense amount of math.

But when you say never or you can’t, you close a door that doesn’t need to be closed—at least not yet.  Or you instill a belief that isn’t ALWAYS true.

The Reality:

How do we know the student won’t ever achieve a certain goal?  Or if the college our student is applying to doesn’t require letters of recommendations.  None of us are all-knowing.  Or fortune tellers?  

Given the right timing, circumstances, support, environment, and mindset—who’s to say what someone can and or can’t achieve? I’ve seen more than one person surpass every expectation I had for them—often in ways I never imagined possible.  And I’ve seen colleges change the way they admit students and watched job industries shift their philosophies. 

Next Steps:

As professionals our role  is to help students recognize there are many ways to achieve their goals.  There is almost never one right answer.  Career and college exploration is personal, complex, and ever changing.  And most importantly, we are present to help our students discover their limitless possibilities and to help students believe in the worth we know they possess.  Even if they haven’t shown it yet.

So next time you think about espousing what you know to be true- Pause. And ask your child/student a question about their dreams and goals.