Things Aren't Always As They Appear

Last week, I attended the Exploring College Options breakfast at Miss Shirley’s, where representatives from six elite colleges shared insights about their institutions. 

While the presentations themselves were fairly standard, the real value came during the Q&A session. One question, in particular, stood out—posed by a counselor from Bullis. She asked about the level of competitiveness surrounding extracurricular involvement at selective schools, referencing a former student who had been rejected from multiple clubs after enrolling.

I expected the admissions reps to dismiss the experience as an anomaly—but to my surprise, they didn’t. Instead, the UPenn representative candidly shared her own freshman-year struggles. She recalled being turned away from several student organizations—including the ballet club, backpacking club, and even the campus tour guide program.

This echoed a recent webinar I attended with Jeff Selingo, who previewed his soon to be published book, Dream School. He shared a similar story about a student at Columbia University who had high expectations but was disappointed when he was rejected from multiple clubs and struck out trying to find research opportunities. 

As the UPenn admission counselor spoke, I couldn’t help but think about how many of our students build up a dream school in their minds. They’re dazzled by glossy brochures, polished tours, rankings, student blogs, and a flurry of social media hype.  These colleges look like beautifully wrapped presents—neatly tied with the perfect bow.

The trouble arises when students never actually "open the box." They become so enamored with the image that they overlook the lived experiences behind the scenes—the real campus culture, the level of access, the competitiveness, the sense of belonging (or lack thereof).

As counselors, we need to help students go beyond the surface. Let’s encourage them not just to admire the wrapping, but to shake the box, peek inside, and fully unwrap the box. How competitive is it to join a club?  Get involved in campus life? Schedule classes? Where will they find their people? What research opportunities are available?  Internships?  

These are great life lessons for students since colleges are just one example of packages we forget to unwrap!